Foxgirl's brain has stopped/
she wanted to write something/
diff.er.ent from this/
but getting followed/
by Luc Carl has made her/
thoughts tie up in knots...
And who knows if anyone will read this anyway...
I was reading Luc's blog about learning from mistakes. See, I have one major problem( well, two) with Luc. No OFFENSE Luc, if you read this!!!
1. He gets to be Our Queen Mother Monster's consort, and I'm jealous! I wanna!!! ;-)
Ok, really the only thing that bothers me about Luc, is that he reminds me so much of my big mistake,(name withheld) he looked like Luc, was a rocker like him, and I was a lonely little 17 year old glam goth...
Unfortunately for me, this guy was also a big time alcoholic. Now I don't care if people drink, but when your'e a mean drunk you should keep your fists to yourself! I won't go into the sordid details. Long story short I endured two years of abuse; physical, mental & spiritual.
Somewhere during that time, I had my son. This guy never would claim him, and I can't even say he was anything other than a biological donor, since sex with him had become more rape than anything.
By the time my son was 1 1/2, the situation took an even worse turn. This guy started threatening to "kill that brat". I had been protecting my son from him, mostly by keeping him with me 24/7, sleeping in the floor by his crib, etc. But now I found myself standing over this guy while he was sleeping with a cast iron frying pan in my hands, about to brain him.
Luckily, sanity returned in time, and I realized that this jerk wasn't worth going to jail for. I started looking for a way out. Before, when he would beat me, if I tried to call the police, he would rip the phone lines out of the walls.(this is before cell phones, peeps!) Hard and scary as it was, I waited until he left to go out. I can remember this so clearly, even today. The Jerk hit me with a crumpled Dr. Pepper can. The sharp edges cut my forehead, and blood started gushing. I "think" that might have freaked the jerk out a little, he hurt me a lot, but had never made me bleed before. He slunk out. I cried.
My sweet little baby boy saw the whole thing. He toddled over to me and gave me his frozen teething ring for my head, and held my hand. *BAM* like lightening I knew this was IT. I bolted the door, and shoved the couch in front of it. Then I FINALLY was able to call the cops. Thank heaven for steel doors and heavy furniture! The jerk was trying to bash the door in when the cops showed up. They took my statement, then asked if I wanted to press charges. Knowing the jerk like I did, I thought for a minute, then said "if I never see you again, and you stay away from me and my son, I won't press charges, and I will NEVER ask you for any money." He hasn't showed up since then!
It has been 15 years since this happened. My son is now 16, and like I said before (in my first post) he is a musical genious, and a sweet, smart young man.
I have found my soulmate since then and we have a wonderful daughter (13). My Bear has always treated my son like his own child. My son knows that he has a different biological parent, but he has only ONE father. Your family is who loves you and raises you, NOT who donated the genetic material for you!
So, Luc, I apologize for the thoughts I had about you ( I won't type them, they were just jealous thoughts anyway!). It is not your fault you look like some Jerk I once knew. I wish you all the best, and I hope you are a good guy to Gaga.
Please, just remember, that no matter how much you love her, she is the Queen Monster to all of us freaks, and we need her as much as you do! We'll share if you will, but please don't ever make her abdictate her throne!
Foxgirl lopes offstage/
the shadows and wind cover/
the sound of her tears
Painful memories/
never really leave your mind/
abuse hurts for years...
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